Similar to alcohol when you’ve had one too many and did something you wouldn’t normally do, you can get caught up in a moment and emotionally overreact. Lisa Bilyeu, co-founder of Quest Nutrition, co-founder and president of Impact Theory Studios, and author of RADICAL CONFIDENCE: 10 No-BS Lessons on Becoming the Hero of Your Own Life understands the importance of emotional sobriety firsthand and applies these principles in her own life. Here’s everything you need to know about emotional sobriety.
Understanding How Emotional Sobriety Can Benefit You
“How many times have we been so caught up in the moment where we have had too many shots of anger and we say something and do something that we didn’t mean?” Bilyeu says. “And the next day, once we’ve emotionally sobered up, we regret it. To me, this is such a great analogy because, like alcohol, if you can use experiences to know where you’ve had too many shots you can reflect on what you can do differently next time.” As an exercise, Bilyeu recommends replaying a moment when you emotionally went overboard, and then backtrack. Just like with shots or alcohol, think about how many did you have? What were the red flags? So instead of the shot, it’s the red flag. Ask yourself: “Where did the red flag show up so you can now identify it in hindsight?” This will help you use it as a guide in the future.
How to Start the Emotional Healing Process
The first step is to recognize the things that are holding you back. But the key is to do it without judgment. “Many times when we do a reassessment, we feel guilty about it and that’s why we avoid doing it. But it’s important to remember that you’re just the witness. You have to identify what doesn’t serve you with no feeling or emotion behind it. That’s why I say not to judge yourself because the goal is to get better.” The second we start judging ourselves, we’re going to try and defend our actions. That’s why it’s important to take a step back and be the observer, Bilyeu adds. Look what doesn’t serve you and then ask: ‘What are my goals? What is the life I want?’
Bilyeu’s Top Tips for Dealing With the Negative Voice In Your Head
Rather than attempting to quiet the voice in your head, try making it your best friend. “If you have a close friend, and you tell her what you want in life, and then she sees that you don’t act in accordance, don’t you want her to be honest with you? To me, friendship is about having to say the hard thing,” says Bilyeu. “So, I thought to myself, ‘What if this mean girl in my head is my BFF? What if she’s just trying to be nice? And she’s actually just trying to help me out?” For example, when Bilyeu first started as a host on her show Women of Impact, the negative voice in her head said she was terrible and never get in front of a camera again. “I asked myself, ‘What is she really saying? You weren’t prepared. Okay, she might be right.’ Maybe she’s telling me, ‘Lisa get prepared on your intro and outro. Have an outro line under your camera so that if you get scared, you have a backup.’ So, what I started to realize was the negative voice in my head was actually helping me. My critic became my coach,” Bilyeu explains.
How to Stop the Ego from Feeding External Validation
The ego is the voice in your head that tries to prevent you from getting hurt. It sounds like, “Don’t do this, you may not be good enough,” which can stop us from trying anything new in order to preserve our core identities. Whether it’s being a great wife, a great mother, or a great entrepreneur, we tie our identify to that thing we’re good at and do our best to hold on to them, Bilyeu says. For instance, if you want to make a change in your life, the ego will step in to warn you about all the potential problems, convincing you not to do anything new. It says, “What if you fall on your face? What if people make fun of you?” When this happens, your ego is holding your identity so close that you don’t challenge yourself. It’s telling you to play it safe so you keep doing what you know you’re good at, continue getting the pats on the back and validation from others. Prior to being an entrepreneur, Bilyeu was a stay-at-home wife for eight years. “I received a lot of accolades for being an amazing wife,” she says. “My ego was loving it. I’m in a safe place, I’m not challenging myself, but now I realize I’m miserable.” She encourages people to stop and ask themselves: What identity do you have? What is that word you use to describe yourself? And how do you feel when you describe yourself in that way? “If you feel great, then your identity is tied to something that is amazing. In this case, your ego isn’t really getting involved because what you’re doing is wonderful. And now, your validation is ‘I love what I do,’ and your validation is the only one you need.”
The Emotional and Physical Practices that Help Bilyeu Stay Mentally Well
Bilyeu prioritizes a good night’s sleep and doesn’t set an alarm. She says “sleep is the unsung hero.” The first thing she does when she wakes up in the morning is exercise. “I ask myself, ‘What makes my mind powerful?’ and in the gym it’s weights. For example, if I lift 10 pounds today, I see if I can do 12 pounds the next day. I find it to be a beautiful challenge that motivates me and makes my mind stronger.” Listening to music and singing out loud is another technique that Bilyeu practices to stay mentally strong. “I challenge anyone to play ‘Survivor’ by Destiny’s Child and sing those lyrics. I guarantee you will feel differently about yourself.” Bilyeu also understands the importance of eating foods that fuel her body and mind. “How I set myself up in the morning with food dictates the clarity of mind and that dictates how much energy I have.” Next up: Feeling Sluggish? Experts Say That These 58 Natural Foods Will Give You an Energy Boost
